Self-Care Through Scares
I glance up from the screen and notice the time: 12:25AM. It is now Monday, January 20th 2025. I’ve avoided thinking too much about this day for sometime now. And in fact I didn’t even realize the clock had ticked over into the early hours of Inauguration Day until this writing. These in-between hours shifting sneakily from one day into the next have a knack for disconnecting you from the present and casting a surreal pale over the moment.
I’m sitting on the couch; My dog, Oscar (a German-Shepard mix; One ear floppy, the other eternally at attention, scanning his environment for squirrels however unlikely it is that one is going to race across our living room) snoozing comfortably beside me. The house is quiet and dark, apart from the glow of my laptop. We just moved into a new home and haven’t set up a television so the computer is still my main source of entertainment.
The reason for my distraction, and losing track of the new day, is playing out on the screen. A particularly gruesome scene from ‘Alice, Sweet Alice’ (1976). This is a First Watch for me (First Watches are important and formative and deserving of capital letters). In this scene, the harsh, biting, often cruel, yet fiercely (and toxically) protective Aunt Annie, played to histrionic perfection by the late Jane Lowry is meeting our film’s masked killer. I won’t spoil the outcome of their encounter (though rest assured if Aunt Annie does survive this meeting she’ll have one hell of a limp) but even by modern standards, the violence is enough to rock me back in my seat. I gasp (Oscar’s ear twitches in my direction). I put a hand to my mouth. I squirm. I cringe. I feel a shock of fear and disgust from my head to my toes.
And then…? I smile. I laugh. And I feel at peace.
Such is the dialectic appeal of horror. And why I have no doubt that it’s a genre I will return to countless times over the next four years. To my fellow horror fans, this experience is familiar. To those who are drawn to genres that don’t lean so heavily into the macabre and gruesome, it might seem a little strange. But strange is what horror fans crave and what brings us comfort even as the real-world seems to careen into uncertain and dangerous territory. Future writing in this space will explore some of the reasons why so many of us seek out wellness in the dark. But for now you’ll just have to take my word for it.
I settle back into the film and join the characters as they wonder to one another just how “sweet” their ‘Alice, Sweet Alice’ really is. I’ve lost track of time again. The inauguration will still be here tomorrow (technically later today) when I awake. There will be hardship, fear and monsters-a-plenty to face in the daylight hours. For now I will continue to lose myself in the world of fictional monsters on my screen.
Having been a fan of this peculiar and often misunderstood genre most of my life, I learned a long time ago not to question the comfort that horror brought me. As we enter into this new phase in our country’s history, I will continue to find peace, connection and community where I can. I hope you will do the same.
Required Viewing & Notes:
To hear more captivating discussion of this film, check out the 3/28/2024 episode of The Lady Killers: A Feminine Rage Podcast.
This podcast episode originally inspired my viewing of the film and delves deeply into themes of sibling rivalry, parental attachment and complicated relationships with religion.