All's Fair in Love and Horror

All’s Fair in Love and Horror:

Some images are so common they have become cultural archetypes. Close your eyes. You can see it clear as day. The young couple huddled together in the back row of the dark theater. Their eyes are glued to the screen as tightly as their hands are entwined with one another’s. On the screen a damsel in distress (but do we sense an inner-strength, still untapped?) creeps slowly up the stairs, investigating a mysterious noise. The music builds. Slowly, hesitantly, at first and then quickly building in tempo. 

The chords reach their crescendo as a closet door swings open, revealing to both our young paramours and our film’s protagonist the killer who has eagerly waited for his moment to strike. The Final Girl and the young woman in the theater scream together in dark harmony. She clings to her partner’s arms and buries her face in his shoulder as the chase ensues. We may not know the fate of the girl on screen, but what lies in store for the young couple is clear: Romance. Intimacy. Hormones. Maybe even sex if all goes as planned. 

The power of horror to bring us together and inspire connection is as well respected as its power to frighten. As the calendar creeps toward Valentine’s Day like a slasher toward their prey, what better time to explore how we can use this genre to build intimacy within ourselves and with others. As you coordinate your plans, whether you’re venturing out on the town, vying for a dinner reservation at the local hot spot (an experience nearly as distressing as the most chilling of New French Extremity) or spending the night cuddled on your couch, consider adding one of the below recommendations to your itinerary to get the most out of the night. 

For the First Date: 

I didn’t see Josh Ruben’s ‘Heart Eyes’ (2025) on a first date, but rather on a date with my husband, well into our eight year of marriage. But it was the type of scary movie that brings that new relationship energy best experienced in the dark back rows of the theater flooding back. Equal parts a love letter to the romantic comedy and slasher genre, ‘Heart Eyes’ had us laughing, screaming and squirming throughout. They say that an adrenaline pumping collaborative activity can help encourage deeper social connections and build powerful formative memories. My husband and I experienced this while watching this gory and tense slasher. We saw that scenario also play out for our hapless protagonists on screen. If watching a scary movie together can encourage connection, one could perhaps say the same thing about being hunted by a relentless and almost comically well-armed killer over the course of an ill-fated Valentine’s Day date. This movie is just fun. Which is first and foremost what one is looking for from both a slasher and a first date. But it also stemmed some interesting discussions afterwards about such romantic topics as: fetish, gender roles, navigating heartbreak, the risks (and benefits) of dating in the workplace and even polyamory which a movie also needs if it’s going to fuel some good conversation in a post-movie dinner or drink. My only complaint about this film; In the year 2025, is it too much to ask The Heart Eyes killer to be progressive enough to murder a same-sex couple or two?

For the Hopeless Romantic: 

Directors Aaron Moorehead and Justin Benson can always be counted on to try something new and unique with their films. ‘Spring’ (2014) is no exception. Begin with the tried-and-true formula of a main character seeking to reinvent themselves through spontaneous travel. Toss in the predictable international meet-cute in a picturesque Italian village. Top it off with a little Cthulu-inspired body horror and you’ve got the horror genre’s answer to ‘Under the Tuscan Sun’. Valentine’s Day is an occasion that (for better and for worse) encourages us to believe that love can conquer all. This movie truly puts that concept to the test. It asks us what we would be willing to accept in our partners and also what sacrifices we might be willing to make in the name of True Love. Romance can often bring out our inner cynic. But choosing to cast off that outer layer (much like the female protagonist of this film may cast off a few layers of skin) can be an act of radical beauty and faith. Whether we do it on Valentine’s Day, or any other day of the year, this is the film to inspire you to choose love. And some days we just need something beautiful, transcendent and sometimes a little gruesome to believe in. 

For When You’re Looking to Get Lucky: 

As a therapist who frequently focuses on relationships and sexuality, I often have to remind my clients that openly and unapologetically enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. Existing in a society with puritanical roots has installed a strong social and internal narrative which deprioritizes and stigmatizes physical pleasure and sexual connection. But sex is a common and natural drive, and a film which increases our chances of connecting in the most carnal and enjoyable of ways is something to embrace! Enter Zach Cregger’s ‘Barbarian’ (2022). If you’ve not already had the pleasure of seeing this movie, you're best served by going in blind. Avoid the trailers. Avoid the reviews. Let the experience wash over you and your partner of choice. Lean into it and to one another. The first half of this movie will have you clinging to each other and watching through your fingers as you try to predict where this tense story is taking you. And just as the story reaches its sublimely creepy climax, the film will pull the rug out from under you in a way that not only lets you take a collective breath but have you wondering if someone accidentally sat on the remote and changed the channel. The somatic and emotional journey that a bonkers (and I use that word as the highest of compliments) film like this takes you on is sure to get the blood pumping. And if it leads to an enjoyable (wink, wink) night for all involved, so much the better. 

For When you Need to Fall Back in Love with Yourself: 

Caroline Lindy’s ‘Your Monster’ (2024) is a lovely exercise in exploring the outer bounds of what we consider a true “horror movie”. Apart from a moment in the final act of subtly rendered violence this film leans much more heavily into its romantic comedy DNA. Melissa Barrera and Tommy Dewey’s chemistry will draw you in as easily as the creative concept: A young woman, recently dumped, who moves back into her family home to confront the demons of her relationship history as well as the very literal monster in the closet of her childhood bedroom. While on the surface the movie traces the trajectory of a very unconventional new romance, it is a really unique exploration of our relationship to ourselves and what it can look like to learn (again or for the first time) how to truly love and respect yourself. Throw in a bit of vengeful feminine rage that anyone who’s been spurned by a lover can find catharsis in and this is the perfect movie to watch at home on your own with a glass of blood red wine and some bitter dark chocolate. 

For Your Galentine’s Day Celebration: 

I will leap at any opportunity to recommend one of my favorite horror films, Neil Marshall’s ‘The Descent’ (2005) which is a modern classic by any measure. For today’s purposes, it sprang immediately to mind as one of the best depictions (horror or otherwise) of the complex nature of female friendship. In its initial conceit, ‘The Descent’ was planned to have a more traditional coed cast, but in development, Marshall, made the fateful and inspired decision to pursue an all-female cast. He reportedly recruited many of his female friends to provide notes and guidance on the dialogue, interactions and relationships between the female characters, leading to the beautifully nuanced, realistic and tensely rendered interpersonal dynamics we see in the final product. As in real-life, the relationships in this film are not always supportive and kind and at times can be downright brutal. But it is a film designed in a lab to be the perfect experience for a group of female friends to gather around and encourage the dissection of their own relationships. All while cheering on the strong protagonists as they fight through their own fears, traumas and slimy subterranean monsters who have beset them.  

For the Bromance: 

‘Interview with the Vampire’ (1994) directed by Neil Jordan may be just the movie to help you explore the push-pull of your closest platonic(ish?) male friend. The television series later developed in 2022 leans fully into the homoerotic tension by making the titular vampire Louis, and his partner-in-crime Lestat, lovers. But the earlier film is more coy and will offer different readings to different audiences. Male friendships are a beautiful but rarely explored dynamic. And while male characters in horror films are a dime a dozen, there are few films that truly center upon the ways that connection and intimacy develop and evolve in these relationships. As with so many genre films, ‘Interview with the Vampire’ can be enjoyed on two levels. On the surface it is a darkly beautiful, tense, gothic tale of the risks and rewards that come with the mantle of eternal life. But it also offers a deeper reading about how men can mentor, support and sometimes betray one another in ways both lovely and tragic. Gather your closet male companions, crack open a beer, and check out this film. You may be surprised by the conversations that it inspires. 

For the Recently Divorced: 

The movie takes place entirely on the wedding day of Grace (Modern scream queen Samara Weaving) and Alex (Mark O’Brien) but trust me when I say that Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillet’s ‘Ready or Not’ (2019) is the film to watch if you’re in the aftermath of a divorce or otherwise contentious break-up. It may appear that Grace’s dreams are coming true as she marries into this upper-crust, well-to-do family. But this is a horror film. Clearly all is not as it appears. Many of us can relate to the idea of not recognizing our partner after the honeymoon period of the relationship has run its course. But in Grace’s case, the shift is literally as stark as the difference between life and death. Samara Weaving imbues Grace with a powerful force of rage and retribution as she fights for her life over the course of her wedding night. As she renders bloody justice upon her new husband and his family, you’ll find the closure and catharsis that so often eludes us in the epilogue of real life breakups. 

For the Queer Romance: 

As a gay married man, whose work as a therapist frequently focuses on helping other queer men find peace and joy in their personal identity, it was critical to me that I include an example of queer romance in this list. However for those in the know about the intersection of queerness and horror, you may not be surprised at a real dearth of films to choose from. Today there is more and more LGBTQI+ representation in front of and behind the camera in genre films. But examples that center queer love and intimacy are few and far between. On a holiday that centers love and romance, I can’t settle for subtext, queer-coding or thematic representation. Our communities deserve to have their love explicitly celebrated. And we don’t have that (yet) in a horror film. But as queer folx have been doing for eternity; We acknowledge the reality and we adapt. So I round out my recommendations with a shift to the written word. To celebrate Valentine’s Day through the lens of queer love, I will suggest picking up a copy of Chuck Tingle’s ‘Camp Damascus’ (2023). 

This novel tells the story of Rose. She is a young Autistic woman, living deep in God’s own country of rural Montana. Her town lies in the shadows of Camp Damascus, a nationally renowned gay conversion camp which boasts “success rates” too perfect to have any explanation other than the supernatural. As Rose gradually recollects and unravels her own personal connections to the camp, Tingle centers a same-sex love that is so impassioned and fierce that not even the very literal intervention of Heaven and Hell can stand in its way. We, the reader, and Rose the protagonist will seek Biblical justice for the harms done to the Queer community in a way that only the horror genre can satisfyingly serve up.

Media & Notes: 

Film:

Moorehead, Aaron & Benson, Justin. (2014). Spring.

Cregger, Zach. (2022). Barbarian.

Lindy, Caroline. (2024). Your Monster.

Marshall, Neil. (2005). The Descent.

Jordan, Neil. (1994). Interview With the Vampire.

Bettinelli-Olpin, Matt & Gilet, Tyler. (2019). Ready or Not

Ruben, Josh. (2025). Heart Eyes. 

Print:

Tingle, Chuck. (2023). Camp Damascus.